Back in August, the Golden State Valkyries placed a large, purple egg outside their home arena, teasing the birth of a new mascot. A few days later, Violet, a purple raven with glasses and a cheerleader-esque mini-skirt, was born.

Which got us talking here at COYOTE about mascots, and who has done them best in the Bay Area over the years. What makes a mascot work, and what makes them flop? Why do some survive for decades, while others disappear after just a season? Is a mascot about performance and vibes, or does the costume make or break the whole thing?

There are plenty of metrics by which to evaluate a team’s chosen symbol. But we thought the best people to ask about which mascot truly reigns supreme are those who know the most about humans dressed as non-humans: furries. 

To that end, we gathered up a panel of illustrious (furlustrious?) Bay Area furries to rank the region’s professional sports mascots, past and present.

Our judges include:

• Cecil: a cartoonist of the seahorse persuasion, and the author of the 2000s-era queer furry webcomic “Vinci & Arty.”
• Molly: a lifelong fox who can most often be found lurking in the corner of the club (when she's not curled up in her den).
• Ryan: a computer wrangler who spends his spare time as a facilitator of creative endeavors. Other than that, he's a bad influence wherever possible.
• Patch: known for being a treat dispenser to four tiny dogs, donating pet portraits to bike advocacy orgs, and running furry news site Dogpatch Press, which investigates the strangest true crime stories you've ever heard.

We asked each of them to react to images of these mascots and rank them on two core variables, ranging from 1 (awful) to 5 (excellent):

1. Quality of costume construction
2. Overall vibes

So without further ado, here are the Bay Area's mascots ranked from worst to best.

Berserker

OVERALL SCORE: 1
Construction: 1
Vibes: 1

Maybe there's a reason that it's nearly impossible to find images or videos of Berserker online. The Golden State Warriors mascot existed for just one season in 1996. I like to think that today, in the era of Gritty, fans might embrace this weird, shaggy bird (?). Alas.

Molly: Oh no.
Patch: What is he? What is that? What is that on his face? Did he have a bad nose job? Look at his arms, what is going on here?
Ryan: He looks like Donkey Kong did some drugs in college and there were regrets. I don't even know. Is he a monkey?
Cecil: What is he supposed to be? He looks like he wants to steal my pizza and escape.
Patch: He doesn’t even have paws! Is that gloves I see? I guess he's at least confident [enough] to wear his hat backwards, so he has that going for him.
Molly: This is just not working on any level. My college mascot was a train, but I'd take a train over this guy any day. Look at him!

Jose Clash

OVERALL SCORE: 1.83
Construction: 1.66
Vibes: 2

Anybody who claims to be able to tell what kind of animal Jose Clash is meant to be — without the illustration for help — is lying. He's a scorpion, for the record, and he was allegedly "caught in the net" during team tryouts and then decided to become the team's mascot for a couple of years starting in 1995. There were two fairly distinct versions of Jose: one soft and cuddly with big bug eyes; the other, a more punk take on the concept of Clash, with a mohawk and a hard, plastic head.

Cecil: Is he... a scorpion?
Ryan: I like the one with the mohawk.
Cecil: I like that one too: It has a lot of style. The other one is definitely more friend-shaped. I love that he's a scorpion and that he has extra arms. But I don't love the size of the tail — it needs to be thicker. I think that would really balance him out and help him.
Molly: The mohawk is such a strange choice for a scorpion. Is that a hard plastic head?
Patch: It's confusing. It's doing a lot but not a lot.
Ryan: I want to see the feet — is he in regular shoes? If so, points off for that.
Cecil: The mohawk one looks like an ‘80s-movie bully who's going to push your face in the toilet.

Thunder

OVERALL SCORE: 1.83
Construction: 1.33
Vibes: 2.33

Few mascots on our list can be credited to one single person, but Thunder certainly can. Sadiki Fuller entered the arena in a superhero suit in 1997, and he spent five seasons trying to encourage fans during a time when the Warriors were absolutely terrible. His attempts to raise support for the team include almost, kind of, accidentally, pretending to rob a bank. While we may honor Fuller's legacy and athleticism, as a mascot costume... Thunder could use some work.

Molly: What is even happening here?
Ryan: Is he a beetle? Is he... what is he? Other than blue? Clearly he's been doing protein shakes.
Cecil: I think this is just a Halloween costume, like the ones you get for kids with the padded muscles to be superheroes. We got one like that for our son when he was the Flash or something.
Patch: It's more of an abstract concept. I don't know. Is that thunder? Is that a lightning bolt? All I know is that he’s blue.
Molly: He gets extra points for doing flips; that's cool. But I would never know what he was supposed to be.

Sourdough Sam

OVERALL SCORE: 3
Construction: 3.33
Vibes: 2.66

We debated whether to put Sam on the list because he's not an animal the way (most of) the others are. But he’s also not not an animal? So why the hell not include him. Sourdough Sam — who can apparently beatbox and whose favorite TV show is allegedly "Golden Girls"  — replaced the San Francisco 49ers’ old mascot, a live mule named Clementine, in the 1970s. But the actual mascot outfit didn't appear on the sidelines at games until 1994.

Patch: Okay uncanny valley, not good.
Molly: If the nose was more defined maybe it would work better. Without it, it's terrifying.
Ryan: He's got the padded party suit on. I want to know what he drinks for coffee in the morning with those eyes.
Patch: He's trying a little too hard here, with the muscles and the hyper face, which is scaring me. I do like the hat though.
Ryan: It's good from a distance but when you get up close it's frightening.
Patch: His family tree probably involves the Quaker Oats guy. I bet he smells like bread.

Crazy Crab

OVERALL SCORE: 3.25
Construction: 3.75
Vibes: 2.75

Few mascots elicit stronger reactions than Crazy Crab, the short-lived crustacean who took the field in 1984 and was immediately pelted with boos and trash. "All of a sudden, golf balls were flying by me and baseballs and water balloons filled with urine. Later, we found out people would go in the bathroom and fill up a water balloon. 'Oh yeah, we're gonna hit the crab!'" Wayne Doba, the man inside the costume, later said in a documentary.

Much like on the diamond, Crazy Crab was polarizing amongst our panel — the only mascot to receive both 1's and 5's.

Cecil: I love him!!!! He's perfect.
Patch: He looks like the aliens from the original War of the Worlds Movie. Like he's chasing children in their dreams.
Molly: You know, I want to like him more than I do because I feel like he's trying his best but it's not working at all, on any level.
Patch: They tried. They were creative, they did something different, it just totally didn't hit.
Ryan: The small, side feet are a great touch, but negative points because he has sneakers on.
Molly: The big mouth in the middle of him is a little bit uncanny.
Cecil: I mean he’s busted, but so am I, and we stick together, you know?

Stomper

OVERALL SCORE: 3.83
Construction: 3.33
Vibes: 4.33

Stomper debuted in Oakland in 1997 and would eventually become known for his dance moves and endless love for The Town. To quote our own Alan Chazaro: "In 1905, A’s club manager Connie Mack gifted McGraw a stuffed elephant when their teams faced off in the World Series. In 1909, the A’s, then located in Philadelphia, formally adopted the elephant as part of their core branding. Strangely, when the team moved to Kansas City in 1968, the elephant logo transformed into a mule, until finally, in 1988, during their tenure in Oakland, the team brought the elephant back as an alternate logo — as coolly rebellious as ever." (To learn more about the various Stomper statues hiding around the Bay Area, check out Alan's piece.)

Molly: Why are his eyes so sad? Does he know he's leaving Oakland?
Patch: I like the floppy nose — that probably gets a lot of secondary action.
Ryan: That's a good point, but I want the nose to be longer. Elephants have longer noses that are more animated, like a proboscis: We don't have that here. But cute no matter what; I have to give him that.
Cecil: He reminds me of late 1980's fantasy, like Labyrinth, a whimsical sort of style with the smile that creeps up high and the shape of the nose.
Molly: I really wish his trunk would flop more.
Patch: Yeah, it seems a little basic to me. But I would hug him.

Scrappy the Rally Possum

OVERALL SCORE: 4.16
Construction: 4.33
Vibes: 4

Another new-ish addition to the Bay Area sports mascot pantheon, Scrappy the Rally Possum made its Oakland Ballers debut last year. Named after a real possum that would periodically grace both the field and the halls of the Oakland Coliseum, Scrappy recently cheered the Ballers to Oakland's first baseball title since 1989.

Patch: Possums are super shy and he's clearly not shy: He's in your face, he's outspoken.
Cecil: I love the effect of the sunglasses. I wish I had done that on my fursuit, with an open mouth so you can see through it. It’s so clever and it gives him a lot of character and attitude.
Molly: Yeah that's really working for me. Although he's the first one that has advertising on his costume so a minus one for a sellout, sorry.
Patch: I kind of want to see his eyes. And I'm taking points off for the rumply arms: They're not form fitting, they're not plushy, it's kind of like a cheap Halloween costume. I do love possums though — underrated animals.
Molly: One of the better fursuits I saw at FurCon last year was like a possum, but with tire tracks on it and one of the eyeballs had popped out. They were really working it.
Ryan: I want to see the feet. Is he wearing sneakers?
Molly: No free feet pics from Scrappy the Rally Possum! You pay for that.

SJ Sharkie

OVERALL AVERAGE SCORE: 4.5
Construction: 4.33
Vibes: 4.66

Sharkie first took to the ice in 1992 for the San Jose Sharks, making him one of the oldest mascots on this list. According to the Sharks’ PR page, over the course of his illustrious career, Sharkie has not only cheered on the hockey team, but also "escorted a high school student to her senior prom, acted as the ring bearer, best fish, and flower fish, and has walked brides down the aisle at wedding ceremonies."

Cecil: The classic! Sharkie was crazy popular at my high school.
Molly: I like the shape. I like the shoes over the skate: That's a nice touch. He's got a nice smile, it's hard to beat the smile.
Ryan: He's going to be able to move and perform in that, and he has good visibility with the mouth being open so he can do crowd work.
Patch: The motion is going to be really fun to watch. He looks powerful and that fits the animal that he is. The human disappears and it's all character.

Violet

OVERALL SCORE: 4.5
Construction: 4
Vibes: 5

The Bay Area's most recent mascot, Violet, is a raven meant to compliment the Norse mythology that the Golden State Valkyries are going for. Violet is also canonically near-sighted and "a collector of shiny things,” as well as being very bad at basketball. 

Molly: Oh my god she's so adorable. The eyes are very expressive! It's so cute. I love her.
Patch: I like the feathery look.
Ryan: She's expressive without needing to have too much mechanical motion. I am going to deduct for the feet though: She's a bird the whole way across until you get to the feet and those are human. You can make shoes that look like bird feet.
Cecil: She has Helen Henney vibes. And she's like the anti-Lola [from Space Jam], and I love that about her.
Patch: Yes, Lola is spicy. Violet is wholesome. They would be good enemies or foils for each other.
Cecil: I could see Lola trying to pull Violet out of her insecurities. That would be cute. 

Lou Seal

OVERALL SCORE: 4.83
Construction: 5
Vibes: 4.66

The San Francisco Giants unleashed Lou Seal in July of 1996, and his personality is fun-loving and mischievous. According to the Giants: "Lou has accomplished many daring feats ... 25 attempts of unsuccessfully kicking the umpire in the seat of his pants ... actually stole home plate five times ... 19 headstands behind home plate ... placed 2.5 banana peels in the path of the opposing team."

Molly: Aw he's so cute!
Ryan: I think he's great.
Patch: His whiskers are giving older, a bit of a grizzle. He seems like he has a jovial personality. He must love beer with that big beer belly — a big, jovial guy.
Ryan: A dad bod.
Molly: I like his eyes. He looks surprised, like he's getting up to something.
Cecil: He's got a really, really appealing face. Definitely friend-shaped, one of the most friend-shaped by far.
Ryan: I would hug him.
Patch: Yeah if I went to one of these games he would be the highlight for me.

Rikter the Cyberdog

OVERALL SCORE: 5
Construction: 5
Vibes: 5

Retired just two years after its debut in 2000, Rikter the Cyberdog is probably the most furry of the mascots here. According to the San Jose Earthquakes, Rikter is a "Cyber-ian Husky," and they in fact gave him a whole backstory:

There was once a stray Siberian husky puppy, who lived at a Silicon Valley soccer field, and the kids who played there would take care of him. None of their parents would let them adopt a stray, so the puppy slept in the goal, and the kids would bring him food, and he would play soccer with them. He got to be pretty good, even though he was still a puppy. One night during an earthquake, some machinery at a virtual reality research center next door accidentally opened up a portal on the field. The puppy was curious and went inside. He was transported to cyberspace and reborn as Rikter the Cyberdog!

Rumor has it that the mascot was in fact too furry-adjacent, and that there may or may not have been sexual activity in the suit. (If you know anything about that rumor, get in touch.)

Molly: Well that's furry bait.
Patch: It's perfect — he fits where he comes from so well. This guy could have an entire novel series or cartoon series of his own.
Ryan: Construction-wise, it looks well-meant for performing and acting out on the field. It looks good up close and far away.
Molly: That tail is immaculate.
Ryan: He has a monthly appointment at the groomer.
Patch: Look at this dude. He's smiling. Look at that gorgeous smile.
Cecil: He's got an incredible warmth and expression. A really, really appealing design. He just needs to stop skipping leg day.

Overall, our panel of furries was generally impressed by the mascots they got to see. "I really liked the progression, and you can see that they're getting more high-quality," Cecil says. "You can also really see the influence that furry fandom has had on these things. Especially Violet: That really gives me fandom vibes."

Ryan, Cecil, and Patch all remember furry conventions and meetups in the 1990s, where there were very, very few fursuits around. "The first few cons were rough," Ryan says, "just in terms of quality." Now, cons are full of people with creative, high-level costumes, and the community is brimming with resources for how to make the fursuit of your dreams.

It’s also no surprise that there may be overlap between mascot costumes and fursuits — both require attention to detail and consideration for things like sight lines, cooling, breathability, and movement. "You have to think about how easy they are to get in and out of, maintenance, cleaning," Ryan says.

All four of our experts were also just delighted to see people trying something. Even their least favorite mascots (ahem, Berserker) were applauded for making an attempt. When I noted that they were giving out high scores for almost everything they laughed. "We're nice people!" they said. If any of the Bay's mascots want to attend the next FurCon, I suspect they'd be welcomed with open arms.