Eight Stories That Got Away

For every story you read on the COYOTE site, there are many that we talk about but don’t ever publish — whether because the idea was too old by the time we launched the site, or we didn’t have time to report it out, or we couldn’t get access, or it just wasn’t quite enough of a full story to justify a post. 

Below are some stories that we didn’t do, but we kind of wish we had?

Oakland Ballers free tattoo night

Once a year, the world champion Oakland Ballers (who, btw, have an abandoned elephant sanctuary on site), bring in local tattoo artists to give away gratis Ballers tats. Would’ve been cool to pull up and watch people get inked while I interviewed them, mid-needling, about their love of Rickey Henderson, their theories on the knuckleball, and what their favorite possum-themed mascots of all-time are (while also judging their levels of pain tolerance). — Alan

The hum

In early September, I returned from a vacation to a hum. It was high-pitched and whine-like, similar to the noise of a mosquito very close to your ear, but it extended throughout my neighborhood. Doors and windows provided no buffer; nor did walking the dog to the park a few blocks away. Other people could hear it, so I knew it wasn’t tinnitus. 

I became obsessed. Identifying it as a likely power line issue, I tracked it down each street in my neighborhood, marking where it was loudest, quietest, and where it ended. But when I called PG&E, their technician arrived in the middle of a busy afternoon, while tree trimmers worked across the street. He couldn’t hear it, and clearly thought I was crazy. “Lines buzz, they don’t hum,” he said, and drove away.

With the help of my colleagues Reo and Rahawa, I was prepared to research this phenomenon from every angle. Reo studied PG&E substation maps. Rahawa looked into noise frequency apps. I was ready to call in the ghost hunters. 

Then, three weeks in, it suddenly stopped. My sanity was preserved, but the story hit a wall. I’m relieved it’s gone, but I really wish I’d had a chance to find out if my power lines were haunted. — Nuala

Judith Butler, secret basketball fan?

A few months into the Valkyries inaugural season I got a fun tip from a friend about a surprising attendee to a recent game: iconic feminist scholar Dr. Judith Butler. Immediately I wanted to know more. What goes through their mind when they hear the Valkyries DJ ask the crowd to “put their V’s up?” How do they feel about the weird Snapchat filter promoted by the team that makes your face masculine and angular? Are they secretly a huge basketball-head? Did they have thoughts about why the Valks could never finish out games? I simply had to know! Sadly, when I emailed Butler’s team, I was told: “Unfortunately, Judith Butler is not available to do this.” That said, Dr. Butler, if you want to talk ball, my door is always open. (Relatedly, I would love to know the story of how they got Angela Davis to bang the GSV drum.) — Reo 

P-Lo running the SF marathon

I love Bay Area sports, and I love Bay Area rap. So when I saw that the Filipino rap gawd himself, P-Lo, had signed up to participate in this year’s San Francisco Marathon, I thought it would be dope to connect with him about it. How does a rapper who also has a burrito named after him and who is known for making degenerate party music prepare for such a demanding physical endeavor? I should’ve mic’d him up for a live marathon report, but alas, I didn’t. — Alan

(Another) theft at the Coliseum

It both pains my soul, and kind of humors me (?), that whenever a national or international sports media entity comes to Oakland, something bad happens. During the NBA Finals, a decade ago, the NBA Entertainment truck was broken into and had $40k worth of their cameras and equipment stolen. It happened again, earlier this year, to the Mexican men’s national soccer team, who got bipped before their international friendly against Japan at the Coliseum. Are dudes just rolling around Oakland with ABC’s top-tier video cameras filming personal content? Where does one sell an industry grade teleprompter? So many questions, no answers. — Alan

Bald eagles aren’t that exciting

In August, everybody lost their minds about some bald eagles in the East Bay. The coverage of this was breathless, all about “the remarkable return” of an astonishingly rare bird. As a dedicated hater and a die-hard nature fan I am here to tell you that this is simply not that exciting. Bald eagles are pretty easy to see in the Bay Area. A friend who is a hardcore birder told me that he sees a half dozen every year without even trying. Over the past few years there have been mating pairs at the golf course in Alameda, and at Lake Chabot. Go see some eagles! They’re cool! But please stop hyping this up as an unreal, mega-rare sighting. Perhaps thankfully for those of you rolling your eyes at me right now, COYOTE had not launched yet when this story was in the news, so we didn’t publish this pedantic piece. — Reo

The handshake of monogamy

Earlier this year, I dined at Cafe Jacqueline, a phenomenal French restaurant in San Francisco’s North Beach. My friend and I happened to be seated at what was clearly the “proposal table,” because several plaques were erected at eye-level to commemorate the various couples who got engaged there, presumably after one of them spooned out a discreetly hidden ring from a dessert soufflé. Cute! But what stuck in my craw was one very interesting plaque dedicated to Dav and Kate, a couple whose “handshake of monogamy” occurred on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, 1997. (Underneath, it notes that there was a proposal on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, 2001.) What was going on there? Why MLK Day? Famously, Cafe Jacqueline’s staff are very difficult to get on the phone, so I never found out. Dav and Kate, please reach out! — Soleil

Honorable mentions from the cutting room floor:

• An interview with Butterscotch, the leucistic raccoon. 
• A definitive rating of airport dog bathrooms. 
• Who is posting “Nemesis Wanted” flyers?
• The Electroacoustic Joy of Alien: Earth’s Horrific Sound Design
• Reporting Live From The Tennis Tournament that Kicked the Valkyries Out of their Home Arena for the Playoffs
• From Pizza to Political Branded Effects Pedals
• I’m Sorry WHAT Are These Horny Teens Doing With Honey???
• What’s up with that keffiyeh-wrapped Tesla?